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Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The Pregnits

"Children are like grandfathers...they don't give a shit if their clothes match." from the book "Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us"



I am pregnant. VERY Pregant.

I dunno if I should say that with an exclamation mark to let you know that "yes, I'm cool about it and happy" or a flat period as a matter of fact. I mean...this is my THIRD child. I have a boy, 4, and girl, 21 months so I'm not pressed to find out the gender of this child until d-day, nor have I made a big deal of it to the few friends and family members that I have. There's a reason for that.

You see, When I got married a couple of years ago, most of my friends dropped me. Like a cold dish rag. I got married (didn't know I was already pregnant) 8 or so months later I had a beautiful boy, went back to work, and regular life, and started to notice that my main hang out buddies were all of a sudden distant or busy...all the time. I got the "let's see" about having lunch from one friend so many times that my child was nearly a year old when I saw her again. I began to realize that some of their assumptions were "Oh, she's a married mother now so I have to get ghost. For years it made me really really sad, but I've had to realize that, indeed, as your life changes so do your relationships with people. Like it or not. Good things came from it too though. I've picked up a few new people and learned to let the old ones go. When I think of them here and there, I send thoughts of love because losing someone isn't always a loss.

...now back to this 'pregnits' situation. I know there will be questions, so here are some some things I'm willing to share:

1. I will not be announcing the arrival of my child via any social media platform. I may mention something months later (if at all) but I'm just not into this overly intimate notion of posting ALL my business on the interwebs. Call me old school...

2. ...if you are a complete stranger or someone I barely remember from who-knows-when, please don't ask me to share any details about my pregnancy. I don't know why, but it weirds me out to get "What are you having?/When are you due?/Can I touch your belly?" from people I don't know. The introvert in me is like "Whoa nosey!!!"

3. If I have your number, I'll send a text letting you know that I'm in delivery because I do so LOVE face-to-face interaction much more than I like this here screen stuff. However, if you live too far to come, just inbox/text/email me your physical address and I'll send you a traditional baby announcement with info. & photos later. Promise.

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MOVING ON TO THE 'ART' PORTION OF THIS BLOG :
In thinking about buying baby clothes all over again, I had a hilarious idea.

RUDE BABY T'S!
Okay, hear me out...
I am already fatigued with these syrupy sweet, extra cutsie-spoopsie-toopsie baby clothes. Like seriously, who is making these clown clothes? Kids have all their likes to be ecentric, so I thought to myself 'hmmm...how about some graphic onsies that say what babies are really thinking when stared at by a stranger AND what some parents want to say but are too afraid of offending?"

So I sketched a few ideas of my "offensive" baby designs. Remember, these are meant to be tongue in cheek and (hopefully) witty.

The mock ups will have graphics that say stuff like...
"Shhhh...I'm pooping"
"DON'T TOUCH ME"
"Stranger Danger!"
#FightClub
Farty & Proud

And then, because I love physics, I'm thinking of puting huge mathematical equations on Onsies but not naming the equation. For example, picture "3.14159" in colored stripes on the front or back of a 6 month size onsie. Now, this idea might backfire because then people who aren't familiar with math would ask me what it means, but I think it'd be cool to watch the more informed realize "oh that's pi" and smile in their smarty pants delight at having such a keen memory. That just warms the cockles of my heart. :)

Please leave a comment, suggestion, or thought below and face-tweet-mail-pin-book this too!!! Grace K.

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